Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
