just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
