I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
