I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
