Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize