I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
