Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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