And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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