K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
