FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Bring me that man meat
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
