I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
