I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
