he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You made out with two different species that night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
