I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
