That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
