We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
