Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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