im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
