Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
