im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
