if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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