Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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