im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
