the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
