I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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