really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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