she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
