drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
