so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
