how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
honey bunches of taint.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
