just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
