you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
