At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
