You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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