Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
