my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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