My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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