i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
