Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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