well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
