Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
