I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
