the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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