Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize