grandma shit on top of the toilet
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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