I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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