He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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