I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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