Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
