I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
