this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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