Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
