I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
