I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
