i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize