uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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