Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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