On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
