oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize