Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize