Say something about gay babies.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
