apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
