Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
