Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
