you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
