i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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