just tell him i said nine months
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
