I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
